I’ve always been an extroverted person.
I love people. I love conversations. I love having a circle, making plans, laughing over small things, and feeling connected to the people around me. Back home, I think I was used to being surrounded by people, friends, familiar faces, family, and a life where connection felt easier.
But since moving to Melbourne, I’ve felt my circle getting smaller and smaller.
Not all at once. Not dramatically. But slowly.
People change. Life changes. Distance changes things too. The friends back home are still there, but sometimes it becomes harder to relate to each other in the same way. They are living a life you are no longer fully part of, and you are living a life they may not completely understand. Conversations that once felt effortless can start to feel a little distant.
And then there are the friends here.
The thing about living abroad is that everyone is carrying something. Everyone is trying to survive, work, study, pay bills, build a life, and keep themselves together. So even when you want to stay close, life gets busy. Plans get cancelled. Messages take longer. Everyone is tired in their own way.
But I think the hardest part is when people change in ways you didn’t expect.
There were friendships I thought would feel safe, but over time, I started noticing things. Jealousy, competition, distance, changed energy, and the kind of behaviour that makes you question whether someone is still truly happy for you. Sometimes people treat you differently when you start growing, when your life changes, or when you begin becoming a version of yourself they are not used to.
That part hurt.
I had to keep some friends at arm’s length, not because I suddenly stopped caring, but because I couldn’t believe how drastically they had changed. Or maybe I had changed too. Maybe distance, pressure, and life away from home showed me things I didn’t want to see before.
It is a strange feeling when you realise that not everyone who was once close to you can stay close forever.
And for someone who is extroverted, that can feel lonely.
Because when your circle gets smaller, you don’t just lose people. You lose routines, comfort, old versions of yourself, shared memories, and the feeling of having people around without having to try so hard.
But I’m learning that a smaller circle is not always a loss.
Sometimes it is protection.
Sometimes life removes the noise so you can hear yourself better. Sometimes distance shows you who truly makes the effort. Sometimes growing up means accepting that not every friendship is meant to come with you into every season of your life.
I still love people. I still value connection deeply. I still believe in friendship and community. But I think I’m learning to be more careful with my energy now.
I don’t want friendships that make me feel small.
I don’t want connections built on comparison.
I don’t want to explain myself to people who have already decided how they want to see me.
I want people who feel safe. People who can celebrate with me. People who understand that growth is not a threat. People who can be honest, kind, and present, even when life gets busy.
Maybe moving abroad didn’t just make my circle smaller.
Maybe it made it clearer.
And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
Because the older I get, the more I realise that it is better to have a few people who genuinely love you, understand you, and want good things for you, than to be surrounded by many people who only feel close when life is easy.
The circle may be smaller now.
But maybe it is softer.
Maybe it is safer.
Maybe it is more real.
And maybe that is exactly what I need in this season of becoming.