I always wanted to move abroad and live on my own.
I had this idea in my head of what it would look like, freedom, independence, privacy, growth, and becoming the person I always wanted to be. But nothing really happened the way I imagined it would.
Moving away from home took me through a rollercoaster of experiences. There were highs, but if I’m being honest, there were more downs than ups. There were moments that made me question everything. Moments where I felt lonely, tired, misunderstood, and completely unsure if I had made the right decision.
But somehow, I am still here. And today, I can say I’m happy with where I am.
Living abroad changes you in ways you don’t always notice at first. Friendships shift. Circles become smaller and smaller. People you thought would stay sometimes don’t, and sometimes you are the one who slowly moves away because survival mode takes over. There’s a line from Ed Sheeran’s Old Phone about pushing people away and still holding onto a few real ones, and I think that feeling captures so much of what growing through change can feel like.
There were so many times I wanted to give up and go home. Times when the homesickness felt heavier than the dream. Times when I missed being understood without explaining myself. Times when I missed the comfort of familiar people, familiar food, familiar streets, and the version of myself that existed before everything changed.
But then there are the small wins.
The first time you figure something out on your own.
The first time you feel proud of yourself for surviving a hard week.
The first time you build a routine that feels like yours.
The first time a new place starts feeling a little less foreign.
The first time you realise you are not the same person who left home.
Those small wins quietly tie you down to the life you are building.
As an Asian kid, freedom, independence, and privacy come with a cost. You gain space, but you also carry guilt. You gain independence, but you also lose the comfort of being looked after. You gain privacy, but sometimes it feels like loneliness. You grow, but growth can feel painful when it happens far away from everything you once knew.
So, is it worth it?
I think it is, but not in the way I expected.
It is worth it because it teaches you who you are when no one is watching. It teaches you how strong you can be when you have no choice but to keep going. It teaches you that home is not always one place, and becoming yourself often means grieving versions of your life that no longer fit.
Moving abroad did not give me the perfect life I once imagined.
But it gave me a life that is mine.
And maybe that is worth more.